I remember the night Charly was born. My cousin updated us on hangout with the status of his wife while she was in the hospital. I met my other cousin for dinner and we were waiting anxiously for the good news. It took a while but the moment they sent the picture of wrinkly Charly, we were so overwhelmed with joy. It was the first time we had felt that way since the passing of our uncle which was so sudden and tragic; his wife thought he was fast asleep the night before and it wasn’t until the morning after, she realized he had passed.
I was in my head, in my world when my cousin told us and asked us to go over to his parents’ house. Before the message, I felt inspired and was painting autumn in Japan of last year of which I had remembered very well. My emotions changed immediately; how vulnerable life seems, our parents are really aging, I am at the age where I should know what I want and should be pursuing it, but I am not, is my cousin and his pregnant wife okay? We gathered in the small living room of their cluttered apartment as the cops sat near the front door, waiting, recording. Whispering amongst ourselves, my aunt recalled what happened the night before, that morning, between tears and sniffles. We were there and didn’t know what to talk about except how to take care of the situation formally- the funeral parlor, the burial ground, death note from the doctor, how to arrange this and that.
A day or two after the burial, a week after Charly’s expected due date, Charly was born.
Momentarily we were distracted from grief and life goes on in a weird way. My cousin who was the same age, who grew up with us, became a father.
I think the event was a brief awakening; my overachiever cousin quit her comfortable job to join a start up- she said she was crying nonstop for months because she didn’t know how to cope with the loss, change and risk. I was more eager to finish the interior design courses, opened myself up to a second chance- I was a bit too optimistic at the same time. Life is never where we expect it to go; my cousin struggles with her new job, I felt uncomfortable and sad because life didn’t give me what I had wanted no matter how hard I tried. It wasn’t within our control.
Maybe what we see now is temporary. The impermanence of things will overcome these moments where we feel unwell, hurt, disappointed; it might change to something else, maybe these events are the catalysts for better changes. Just like how Charly grew from a little Buddha to a mischievous child. I am rambling on, what I want to say is I am grateful we have Charly in our lives. We are so lucky to have her. Counting our blessings! She’s irresistible 🙂 ❤
nanansa 